Marvadi Uncle Roasts VCs: ‘You’re Funding Harebrained Schemes!

Working as a venture capitalist can be both exciting and challenging. You get to be part of the cutting-edge innovations that shape the future, while also dealing with the harsh realities of high-risk investing.

Amit had been working as a venture capitalist in for a few years, investing in all sorts of fancy tech startups. Back home in his small town of Rajasthan, his uncle Prakash ran a successful clothing business. Uncle Prakash was a classic Marwari businessman — savvy, no-nonsense, and deeply skeptical of any get-rich-quick schemes.

During a recent family gathering, the conversation inevitably turned to work. Amit began explaining his job, hoping to impress his uncle with tales of meticulous startup assessments and lucrative investment deals. However, Uncle Prakash just couldn’t seem to wrap his head around this bizarre world of funding unproven ideas and new-fangled innovations.

Amit: “Uncle, being a VC is no easy task. We meticulously evaluate each startup, analyzing their business model, market potential, and the team’s capabilities. It’s a complex process involving rigorous due diligence and strategic decision-making.”

Uncle (chuckling): “Arrey bhai, you make it sound like rocket science! All you folks do is throw money at these fancy ideas and hope for the best.”

Amit: “It’s not that simple, Uncle. We have a fiduciary responsibility to our investors, and we strive to make well-informed decisions that generate substantial returns.”

Uncle: “Haan haan, I’ve heard this song and dance before. But tell me, what was so great about that Zume Pizza company you invested in? From what I’ve heard, it was nothing but a khichdi of robots and ovens on wheels.”

Amit (shifting uncomfortably): “Well, Uncle, Zume was an ambitious attempt to revolutionize the pizza industry through automation and innovative delivery methods.”

Uncle (raising an eyebrow): “And where did your ‘rigorous due diligence’ go with that one? Couldn’t you see that it was a half-baked idea, pun intended?”

Amit: “In the startup world, not every investment pans out as expected. We take calculated risks based on the information available at the time.”

Uncle: “Calculated risks? More like gambles, if you ask me. Back in my day, we built businesses brick by brick, not on robot-powered dreams.

Also, what about that other startup, the one that promised to deliver groceries via drones? Did your due diligence not consider the logistical nightmare and safety concerns?”

Amit: “Well, the idea of drone delivery did seem promising at the time. We believed in their vision of disrupting the last-mile delivery space.”

Uncle (scoffing): “Vision or daydreaming?? Did you even stop to think about how impractical and costly that would be?”

Amit: “I admit, some of our investments haven’t panned out as expected, but that’s the nature of the business. For every failed startup, there are success stories that have transformed industries.”

Uncle: “Success stories? Or just fancy gimmicks that have you all starry-eyed? It seems like you VCs get so blinded by the latest ‘tech buzzwords’ that you’ll fund anything with a fancy pitch deck.”

Amit: “Uncle, I understand your skepticism, but we can’t ignore the potential of transformative technologies just because some ideas don’t work out.”

Uncle (shaking his head adamantly): “Potential? Or just a way to justify pouring money into harebrained schemes? Mark my words, beta, until you start looking beyond the shiny tech and focus on real, sustainable business models, you’ll keep getting burned.”

until you start looking beyond the shiny tech and focus on real, sustainable business models, you’ll keep getting burned.

As the conversation drew to a close, Amit couldn’t help but ponder his uncle’s words. While he still believed in the power of innovation, he acknowledged that sometimes, VCs could get carried away by the allure of cutting-edge technology, overlooking fundamental business principles in the process. It was a humbling reminder that even in the fast-paced world of startups, a grounded perspective and a keen eye for viable models were essential to separate the truly disruptive ideas from the overhyped duds.

Note — This is not entirely a work of fiction. Most part of this is actually true. Some flavors were added to make it more readable. Names were changed.

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